Julie and Julia

I think that was the title of the movie Tom and I watched last night. It is story about Julia Child and Julie Powell. A story about a young woman who felt her life was at dead end and decides to cook all of Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" recipes in one year. And each day she would log her accomplishments. Cooking and writing every single day. Through all the trials and challenges of this project she found meaning and fulfillment eventually leading up to a book publication and a movie.

This movie was thought provoking for me. I thought about cooking. Cooking always had a sense of dissatisfaction for me. I cooked many meals for guests and large crowds and received many compliments... but those times Tom was very much involved in helping me. If he did not actually help with cooking , he was busy cleaning as I was cooking. As long as we were working together I was happy.

It's when I am left to my own, to cook for my family which I have done all of these years, often unwillingly and without joy. I tried to accumulate simple recipes that took least amount of time. Cooking is to nourish the body and nothing more. I am haunted by words ringing in my ears...of long time ago, when I was a little girl as long as I could remember... My mother would say, you keep studying. One day you will have some one else to cook for you. Cooking is for servant girls. Cleaning is for servant girls. My mother cooked, and cleaned. She worked all day everyday at a factory, and one day her daughters would have a different life,... life like she had before she got married.

So I never developed any love for cooking. Would it be possible to turn that around? (Yet I loved cooking when Tom is cooking with me or he is just with me as I am cooking...)

Another thought that came to me was I want to write, even a little bit every day. Then I thought of all the paintings I started at painter's guild, and I need to finish that, all of them. That is another project. So I am going to brew on these things and come up with a one year project.

I have a tendency to overdo until my health is ruined from over working on whatever project I am doing and forgetting to cook and eat. So if cooking is one of my projects, at least the eating department should be OK. So dear Lord, keep me balanced.