Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Clearing the Paths



We live near a small woods where we hike daily if time and weather allows. The winding trails can intertwine so much that we can hike up to two hours within a deceptively small space. We have done this for few years now. We are creating memories for ourselves when we can no longer hike. Then we will reminisce ... those good old days when we were able to spend so much time together daily in the woods, breathing in the wonderful fresh air and loving the beauty of it all.

This year the river that flows within the woods flooded due to melting snow and lots of rain. Much of our trails have been under water for a week or more. As our paths have dried out, we have been able to use more and more of them, after clearing away the branches and fallen trees carried by the flood blocking the paths.

This flood also left an abundance of litter: pop cans, alcohol bottles, candy and gum wrappers, etc. The first day back on our trails, we collected five grocery bags of garbage. Subsequent days were much less. One week will clear the woods for another year!


It is rather interesting that we have learned to enjoy the whole process of maintaining these trails by trimming the thorn bushes that would snag us, collecting litter, and clearing fallen branches and trees as we're on our daily walks.

We have all the wonders of nature, many giant logs that have fallen, the uphill climb, wetlands, river, countless trees that create such interesting patterns with the blue sky, small and large animals that make home here, and all the birds and their songs.  And we have our little haven in which we take daily mini vacations of hiking in nature as if these woods belonged to us.


Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Goals, dreams, and an open door

Earlier today, as we were walking in the woods after the flood, even though our boots were getting muddy, I was moved to see the beauty of my surroundings. My thoughts were roaming. What is it that is important for me? How do I want to finish my life.

I thought of my history. As a little girl growing up in post-war Korea, I determined that I wanted to fulfill all the aspirations that my parents had, that were taken away by the war. I wanted to fulfill my grandfather's aspiration also taken away by the war. It was a huge task to fulfill their dreams.
In that endeavor, I tried so hard to achieve the unachievable. Those around me noticed me as someone  accomplished, but I was always a huge disappointment to myself for failing my parents' and grand-father's dreams. I could not enjoy my present life. 

Here I am, 62 years old. Because of what I believe was a providential pathway, I resigned from my lifelong career. Then another career path opened up, which I believe was also providential. That step alone was empowering. I actually chose my desire in studies, something that I am passionate about.

 The thought of fulfilling that path also scared me. Why would I want to be a functional medicine practitioner when I don't have... a million reasons pop into my mind contrary to pressing on.

Providence has opened the door for me. I will pursue it. At the same time, I realize that what is important is relationship with those whom I love and care about and those whom I will meet in my path. My dream is not a successful career but a successful life. I dream of making an impact on the people whose lives I hope to touch with love for God by serving humanity in the healing arts.

I realized that there are lots of things that need to be cleaned up within me. With God's help I am allowing forgiveness for myself. I can let go of my past, when I was so intensely focused on fulfilling my seniors' dreams that I often did not enjoy, relish, and pour myself into my own children as they were growing up. My regrets only tie me down. Only when I am free from that weight of guilt can I love my grown children to the utmost and love my grandchildren to the fullest. I shall also let go of any bitterness that has come along my path one by one so that I can fully be released to live in life, in God, and in love.