Tuesday, March 13, 2018
I thought of my history. As a little girl growing up in post-war Korea, I determined that I wanted to fulfill all the aspirations that my parents had, that were taken away by the war. I wanted to fulfill my grandfather's aspiration also taken away by the war. It was a huge task to fulfill their dreams.
In that endeavor, I tried so hard to achieve the unachievable. Those around me noticed me as someone accomplished, but I was always a huge disappointment to myself for failing my parents' and grand-father's dreams. I could not enjoy my present life.
Here I am, 62 years old. Because of what I believe was a providential pathway, I resigned from my lifelong career. Then another career path opened up, which I believe was also providential. That step alone was empowering. I actually chose my desire in studies, something that I am passionate about.
The thought of fulfilling that path also scared me. Why would I want to be a functional medicine practitioner when I don't have... a million reasons pop into my mind contrary to pressing on.
Providence has opened the door for me. I will pursue it. At the same time, I realize that what is important is relationship with those whom I love and care about and those whom I will meet in my path. My dream is not a successful career but a successful life. I dream of making an impact on the people whose lives I hope to touch with love for God by serving humanity in the healing arts.
I realized that there are lots of things that need to be cleaned up within me. With God's help I am allowing forgiveness for myself. I can let go of my past, when I was so intensely focused on fulfilling my seniors' dreams that I often did not enjoy, relish, and pour myself into my own children as they were growing up. My regrets only tie me down. Only when I am free from that weight of guilt can I love my grown children to the utmost and love my grandchildren to the fullest. I shall also let go of any bitterness that has come along my path one by one so that I can fully be released to live in life, in God, and in love.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Life has a funny way of marching on. Who would have thought a year ago that so much would have changed in my life. I was able to leave the pharmacy world in September, then embark on totally new studies as I pursue another field. As most peers my age are looking forward to retirement, I have decided to tackle new studies for new goals. And I am dreaming of living a full life and loving my new career as I age.
I graduated from college in 1980, 38 years ago. It has been a long time since I was an active student. Back then, it was normal to dedicate a full day every day to studies. Fast forwarding 38 years, I was not ready to experience headaches and eye aches after just two hours of studying.
Four years ago, I stopped blogging, except during vacations. My full-time job as a pharmacy manager had consumed my body and my soul. This very dissatisfaction with my career screamed out to me, and I felt I must do what I wanted to do before I die. So now I spend most of my days studying functional medicine. No excitement. Just plugging along daily in my studies with the dream of becoming a passionate healing practitioner.
Just two days ago, I made a decision to join #standupandshinechallenge. This was something the young me, as a college student, would have joined. Lizy, my youngest daughter, had joined and in her excitement, I followed suit. Joining was a difficult decision for me. These thoughts were filling my head: "I am too old for these kinds of challenges. My daughter will be embarrassed with her mother doing the same projects. My peers will laugh at me." On and on the thoughts came into my head. Not only that, I was filled with, "What a crazy venture I am starting. I like to study. After I am done studying, I will quit. I do not have the oomph to press on to become an effective practitioner, to fight through what it takes to get there."
Oh my goodness! All those thoughts passed through my head. I just pushed and forced myself to signed up on my Instagram account (@noni_jaehi) and tagged Lizy (@elizab_anne). If I become a laughing stock, well let me see if I will survive.
My daughter Lizy responded:
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Friday, January 27, 2017
We had a lazy breakfast and left for our last day of excursion. We wanted to do so much but so limited in time.
Seth told us about Noah Purifoy's Outdoor Desert Art Museum of Assemblage Sculpture. Although it would be closed and it was getting dark, we decided to go. I have never seen anything like this. Each piece is so large that it needed to be displayed outdoor rather than indoor.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Funny, we all thought we would be having outings in other areas besides Joshua Tree. There are bends and turns that one could not anticipate. Yet I am loving every moment here with Tom, my sons, and Danielle.
Christian and Danielle really wanted to climb Ryan Mountain, which I did yesterday. The second visit was just as impressive. I still needed several stops to rest! I loved this hike just as much as yesterday's.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
It is ironic that Tom, myself, and Seth were the ones to go for an outing today, since we are the three who have been sick. We were feeling somewhat better but still sick. Christian and Danielle were deeply engrossed in prep for their project due tomorrow and decided to spend another day working.
We climbed Ryan Mountain, which is 5457 feet high. The trail to the summit was 1.5 miles long. I have never experienced such exhaustion on a hike of that length. I had to rest at least four times before I reaching the top.
The stone steps sometimes were so steep, just trying to climb several left me breathless. This was a stark contrast to hiking five miles in the woods in Goshen, Indiana, which makes me feel fully satisfied with my exercise for the day.
This is how the trail started. It seemed like the gentle slope of a garden.
Who would have thought that growing old together could be so much fun!
A view of way below us as we climb higher—those little bumps in the back are mountains as large as this one we are hiking.
Seth, my younger son, whom I see only once or twice a year.
The path is getting steeper, and rocks on the trail are more part of the mountain itself, sharper and harder.
Almost to the top...
Come on, you can do it...
Tom helped me up the last leg of the journey.
We made it!
A little mound to show you reached the summit.
Vegetation at the top.
Just to make it official...5457 feet high!
Here's Seth's description of today's hike up the mountain: "After spending some time exploring the huge granite boulders at the foot of Mt. Ryan, we started up the trail to the peak. It wound around the mountain so that at first we got an increasingly grand view of the enormous boulder piles that clumped into a boulder mountain to our north. The higher we got, the more snow we saw. We passed around bends that would expose totally new views across the plains to more rows of tan, pink, and blue mountains. Only at the very top did we leave the shade of the highest peak. Half the horizon came into view for the first time, a massive mountain range in the western distance emerging from clouds, and flowing ranges and plains of different elevations across the southern horizon (including the low Colorado desert we visited yesterday). From the very top, we could see in every direction, and the low sun only exaggerated the enormity of the view. The joshua trees and cactii disappeared at that height, showing all the land."