Our planning

My cousin and I were planning how we would get to our young cousin’s wedding when so many factors are seeming to interfere...and this is her reply...a gem.


Yes, when I think of all we have lived thru, OF COURSE, it will all work out ! :) 

Really, at this stage in my life, I marvel at all the things that have already worked out and then I realize that most of them did not really work out as I had so beautifully planned them, and yet, it's funny, I feel that they still worked out....I tell my kids never to worry if Plan A falls thru, they just have to be nimble and embrace Plan B, and if that falls thru, Plan C isn't so bad either...and at the end of it all, they will find that Plan Z will be the one they find themselves living and that will have been the best plan of all...it is trite, but so true, that it is not the hand that life deals us that will define our life, but rather, our attitude toward that hand and how we choose to play it. 

To Have Life

I often hear term "....have life."  It is meaningful things happening and it usually happens outside of work. It is fun and meaningful. Last couple of years I was thinking, my work is part of having life. I am not thinking of work itself. It's the people that I work with.

As I go to different location every day I work with different staff. They come from different walks of life. Some are from middle class with middle class value. Others are from hand to mouth life earning just enough for that day or that week. Some from life of abuse to life of leisure, all have some how found themselves here with me. Of course I go from one town to another daily. Each day as I work and talk with them I try to enter their lives, to understand as they do. I have learned to love so many of the technicians that I work with. Their age and back ground is as diverse as east is to west.

Yesterday I was at a store. Emily came in to store to be with me. It was her day off. She said it was more meaningful to spend time with me, helping me at my work than to stay at home (her husband has passed away). Often I encounter different techs watching out for me or taking care of me and I know that is coming from their love for me.

As I was driving home, I was thinking, I hope to work a long time. Maybe into my seventies and eighties. If I was at home doing what other women in their fifties do, I probably would not be as satisfied. I have life and this life includes my job which includes learning to love others and accepting their love for me.

Expectations

This morning Tom collapsed as he was getting dressed. It was surreal. One minute he was going through every day morning routine and next minute he collapsed like a lifeless puppet. Once he was settled back in bed I reluctantly went to work.

This would be almost two hour drive to Peru Indiana. I thought of how short a human life is. Tom can get back to full health yet there is no denying that signs of aging is catching up with us. We both groan as we get up just like my parents and their generation did and we were too young to realize that one day we too would cross that passage of time. Sadness welled up in me. There was almost a pleading within me. I want to live a full life with my husband whom I have so much taken for granted in our younger years.

I never fully appreciated his work because it was not tied to income and we have battled many long years over that. Because Tom spent so many hours working while sitting at his computer, I felt his work is robbing his health from him. He tried hard to listen to all my stories of events and happenings at the various pharmacies I work and yet I always knew his thoughts were not in my stories. Neither of us could really fully appreciate each other's work.

When Lizy left in August, we found ourselves empty-nesters. We had sold our Chicago house to Henna and Aki and we finally could start working on our Goshen house. To me that meant being together with Tom, a time we can bond together and be in total enjoyment of each other...time I so treasure.

I thought of various projects we would do; The garden to be created, the walls to be painted, the color selections, so many things to me meant...a time with Tom, Tom and I. Soon after Lizy left Tom's hip began to cripple him. That was in August and he experienced deep pain. In March I bought him an ultra-sound gadget and he recovered quickly.

Now we are back to square one...  So I let go ...learn to accept life as is. After all God is writing a beautiful story no matter where we are in that story...

Thank You

This morning Tom said "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you..." He was thanking me for the ultrasound set I bought to treat his hip and back condition.

One month ago Tom was crippled in pain. He could barely stand up and his posture was bent at left hip and on his back. He was not able to sleep. He could attempt to sleep only in one specific position. It was a sad sight for anyone to see him. At age 58 he had already become an old old old disabled man.

He had seen a chiropractor for at least two months, going regularly three times a week. He stopped going when his condition did not improve. His doctor MD was going to send him to a specialist if his NSAID(non steroidal anti inflammatory drug) did not work. Well it did not work and we both saw a long journey of powerful drugs and/or surgery which we were not willing (Both Tom and I).

I spent all day, from the early morning to bed time, to research on internet what I could do to avoid traditional medical treatment. I found Mend Me Shop.

I followed their regimen and today Tom is pain free and he can stand up straight. He actually noticed improvement the second day of treatment. I am also so thankful. I am thankful that I did not spend years to find a regimen that would work. Thank You Lord!

Wings to Fly

Index

Wings to Fly - 6.5

High School Years (1970 to 1974) - Continued

I let go of my new found Jesus. From Sophomore year to Senior year I only knew one thing. I must do well in academics. My parents and grandfather had high hopes for me and I must not let them down. I wanted to alleviate some of their life pains through my success and more than that I wanted them to full fill their dreams through me.

As a person, I was not significant nor exceptional in anything. Yet I tried. In academics I studied hard and attempted high grades. Each summer I kept myself busy with any type of program that would stretch me. My Junior summer was special. I am not sure if I was selected because of my artistic ability or if I volunteered and they liked my art work. We formed a tight group and painted murals. This project was headed up by an art professor from University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign and his assistant graduate art student. I was one of the three students from different high schools. So five of us met daily and planned, sketched, and painted. I thoroughly enjoyed that summer (1973) activity. I had no idea that it would bring me recognition beyond my expectation.

After our mural(s) were done, Chicago Tribune magazine did a story on us and our work. It had many photos in a several page story. All of the sudden I became a notoriety. Teachers I did not even know seeked me out and shook my hand. Kids who never knew I existed let me know that they read about me and our group and our mural(s). In a high school of four thousand students I was noticed and commended. It was such a contrast from what I was, a shy and quiet student about as noticeable as painting on a wall.

Then I was notified that we would be receiving a special award from Mayor Daley of Chicago; something along the line of Beautifying the City of Chicago Award. I should be basking in my glory yet what I saw of that time was a glimpse of my future. If I was to continue in my pursuit of success and fame I may experience something similar in a larger scale. I could not understand what I was experiencing within me. I experienced void and emptiness. One day after a full day of congratulations by friends, peers, and teachers, I came home and wept for a long time. "Dear God, Is this all there is to a success? A sense of void?"

Then I remembered just two summers ago, the complete sense of joy and satisfaction that came with accepting the Lord into my heart. I remembered the two weeks of bliss while I was doing nothing but reading the bible in total envelopment of God's love. I thought, Oh to experience that joy, that peace...once again. I prayed, "Dear Lord, if You are real, please bring me back to experience you the way I experienced You the first time." That was a Wednesday in April of 1974.

I believe two days later I ran into several young people who invited me to a young people's gathering. They said they loved Jesus.... This would change my life in ways never dreamt...

Mount Olive Church...Then and Now

Two days ago Tom, I, Lizy and Mateo (seven months old) went to Mount Olive Church located at Byron and Tripp at Old Irving Park neighborhood. We were ten minutes early. Already there were many there greeting each other, hugging, hand shaking, and talking. They were happy to see each other.

Lizy had discovered this church about a month ago. She was looking for a church to go. She was baby sitting for Rachel's little Andrew. Rachel is Henna's friend and they belong to same age baby community. In their conversation Lizy mentioned that she is seeking for a church and Rachel invited Lizy to come to her place. The little family, Rachel, Alan her husband, and little Andrew picked up Lizy for the first visit to Mount Olive church.

As I watched the large congregation area filled with people I remembered a long time ago, way back in 1970. I was fourteen years old. I had just received the Lord via an eighteen years old college Freshman (Western Illinois University) who just recently received the Lord herself. She urged me to look for a church. I also observed people then. They were seated along the edge and back like a big shape U. The pastor had huge area of empty seat in front of him. When it was over, I was trying to be noticed and many were looking somewhere else as they exited. One man noticed me. He shook my hand. "You are new! See you next week."

Comparing from my memory to now ... singing time I noticed how much every one was involved. The meeting area was packed, especially towards the front, in fact there were no empty seats. When thanks prayer were lifted, some of those who were thanking the Lord were in tears. Sound bible teaching was found here along with those who actually had relationship with each other and with God. Yes I am glad my daughter found a place to meet.

Rachel and Alan came to greet us after service. They did not know us other than that we are Henna and Lizy's parents. Linda came to greet us. A woman from my past, in grammar school, later on as Lizy's pre-school teacher. We talked for a long time. If we had stayed longer we would have met more people.

My cousin and I

Today I spent a wonderful catch up time with my cousin. We are both nearing sixty in age.

We grew up together as children until she was five and I was three and half. That is when her family left to go to US. I remember nothing of those years. I remember the first day I saw her. I was eleven and she was almost thirteen, the first day my family immigrated to US. I remember her telling me of Cinderella musical she loved. She knew all the songs, In my own little Corner and many more. We spent hours being totally in love with being with each other...that is how it seemed to me. She knew no Korean and I knew no English.

We spent portions of every summer together. I looked forward to those times. I could unload all the secrets of my heart; my frustrations, my outlook on life, my aspirations, my fears, and my dreams. I watched her with admiration. English became her native tongue and she fully understood American culture as I was forever trying to catch up in both. We found deep camaraderie in the fact we were caught in Korean parent(s) wishes and hopes according to Korean culture and our desire to be who we are. We compared notes about our parents. We talked about so many things about life. Then college years came and went. We got married and became very busy with our separate lives and we did not see much of each other... few of weddings, my father's funeral, and a family gathering two years ago.

We are both empty-nesters now. We decided that we will meet again and regularly...not too ambitious so it is do-able.

We are the same persons who loved to be with each other. We still communicated as we always did. Yet we changed. We have learned to accept life. Life has a way of twisting and turning and often we cannot see the bend coming up. Accept and flow with it then life can the best it can be.