Monday, May 7, 2012


This morning Tom collapsed as he was getting dressed. It was surreal. One minute he was going through every day morning routine and next minute he collapsed like a lifeless puppet. Once he was settled back in bed I reluctantly went to work.

This would be almost two hour drive to Peru Indiana. I thought of how short a human life is. Tom can get back to full health yet there is no denying that signs of aging is catching up with us. We both groan as we get up just like my parents and their generation did and we were too young to realize that one day we too would cross that passage of time. Sadness welled up in me. There was almost a pleading within me. I want to live a full life with my husband whom I have so much taken for granted in our younger years.

I never fully appreciated his work because it was not tied to income and we have battled many long years over that. Because Tom spent so many hours working while sitting at his computer, I felt his work is robbing his health from him. He tried hard to listen to all my stories of events and happenings at the various pharmacies I work and yet I always knew his thoughts were not in my stories. Neither of us could really fully appreciate each other's work.

When Lizy left in August, we found ourselves empty-nesters. We had sold our Chicago house to Henna and Aki and we finally could start working on our Goshen house. To me that meant being together with Tom, a time we can bond together and be in total enjoyment of each other...time I so treasure.

I thought of various projects we would do; The garden to be created, the walls to be painted, the color selections, so many things to me meant...a time with Tom, Tom and I. Soon after Lizy left Tom's hip began to cripple him. That was in August and he experienced deep pain. In March I bought him an ultra-sound gadget and he recovered quickly.

Now we are back to square one...  So I let go ...learn to accept life as is. After all God is writing a beautiful story no matter where we are in that story...