Wednesday, May 20, 2009


It is very difficult for me when I have time. Not a second can be wasted. When it is beautiful out, I am thinking, “Oh, how to capture this beauty,” and then there is a struggle within. I need to capture time—study, work on books, learn something, read, write, paint, just something that would make me grow. What would it be like just to rest... Yet to rest is to be lazy, my mind tells me. (You would have to read my memoir to understand.)

The other day, in the women’s Bible study gathering, Doris said, “I waste too much time. I could be doing something useful, but I end up doing nothing...” The others followed suit, describing how they waste time. My problem is I try to squeeze too many things in time. Then almost always my health breaks, and I am in bed all my spare time. When I cannot do anything but rest, I may pick up a book and read. This is also a time when I can reflect, and I often converse with my God. I am forced to rest and no nagging from within occurs.