Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Wings to Fly — 1

Memoir Index

My Memoir Begins

One day at my family gathering in Canada, my niece told me, “Aunt JaeHi, it seems like you really love your move to Goshen according to your letters". My husband Tom told me, “I like your letters of news but all the spiritual things are too “goody, goody”…. my life is not goody, goody. I go through so much turbulent emotions as I follow this Jesus, because His ways are not my ways, His choice is not my choice yet eventually I give Him the way because, after each struggle I still choose Christ.

This is story of my Christian walk. The joy, the pain, the romance, and agony of following Jesus and having a love affair with my husband as he chooses to give up human security of a successful career to choose serving Jesus… which will take me into depth of pain never realized….my husband is so oppositely designed in mind, culture, and make up as me. I never could have believed that the man that I had so hopelessly fell in love with would cause the greatest pain in my human life and yet I would comeback to love him so intensely because no man could ever love me the way he could and I again would choose him as I would choose Christ after each struggle.

I grew up in a Korean home and my grandfather was with me constantly. After Korean war, my parents took in all of my father’s siblings and parents. So I had many uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins living all under my father’s provision. My grandfather would always tell me, JaeHi, you are destined to regain our family honor. We are descendents of kings. I believe that you will bring that honor back to our family. (We had become very poor due to the war). As a small child, I had one thing in mind. Somehow, someway, I am to bring family honor back. I must elevate my family above others to be kingly. I must study hard & become successful. Yet I was such a shy child, and deeply afraid of people.

We immigrated to United States when I was 11 years old. I tried to fit into this foreign culture. My shyness did not help in adjusting to this new country. In my agony I held on to one thing. Somehow I must become successful. I am responsible to bring my family to kingly status. Looking back, it seems amazing that a shy Korean girl would have this dedication deeply ingrained in her. Making friends and having fun was not my main motive. I had one thing in mind, some how I must regain kingly status for my family. At that time to a young girl it meant, study, study, and study and when I grow up somehow I will know how to achieve it.

At age 14 I was sent by my high school to Western Illinois University for music camp. I was elected from our orchestra to go for 2 week camp with all expenses paid by women’s club of Irving Park. On my way back to Chicago, an 18 years old freshman girl sat next to me. She asked me if she could share something with me. I was thinking, a candy bar, or a piece of fruit. I said, sure. She pulled out 4 spiritual laws by campus crusade ministry. She started reading the little booklet and at the end asked me if I would ask the Lord to come into my heart. To my amazement I said yes and prayed after her, to ask Jesus Christ to come into my heart. I was very aware of the intense loneliness while in the midst of a crowd. I wanted this Jesus and His family. Thus began my new life that would have different direction than what was programmed into me.

I will unfold my life as I have time. This is journey of one lover of Christ as she seek him in the tangles of life.

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