Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Where Am I in Life?



So many things have happened since my last blogging. It has been two years since I left pharmacy at Kroger. I was searching for physically easier job where I will not be standing, walking, or running for up to 13 hours in order to take care of patients.

 I found a job at a hospital where I can sit down for the whole shift.  I became keenly aware that my learning curve had dramatically changed, and I left that new job in three months. That was beginning of  October in 2017. This was one full year after when I was taken to ER with a complete amnesia, Transient Global Amnesia from 9 am to 7 pm on a Sunday in May of 2016.

My last visit to Croatia (Spring of 2019) has brought attention to the seriousness of my brain issue. It takes me good three weeks before I get acclimated to a new time zone. My lack of sleep in Croatia and again here in US was manifested in daily inability to remember what happened for 2 to 3 hours of any given day. Now fully rested with plenty of sleep, I am realizing that my brain is affected. It dawned on me that I AM retired...maybe for good. I am not yet 64. I always dreamed of working well into 90's as a health and wellness practitioner. I saw myself as a thin old lady who is in love with her life helping sickies of today. I saw myself as a 95 years old little lady, full of life and zest with love for healing and watching health restoration.

I decided for now, I must stop studying and to re-evaluate my future. How am I to occupy my time. It has always been easy in the past; I always gave my studies priority. I have been a student all my life and at late age, I have discovered my passion; my desire to be a natural health practitioner. Yet when the realization set in that I may never be the healer, I was not as discouraged as I thought I would be. Having time on my hand was a new experience.  Now my dream career is put aside, maybe permanently. I wonder what my future holds for me.

What must I do to heal and restore my brain? I tried to remember anything related to brain restoration from my studies. I was left with a "blank." I had one patient, myself. Yet all my hours and years of studies preparing me to a new career left me blank.

I decided there are two things that I would love; writing and painting. I have always loved writing. I have a long way to reach the skill set of a good writer. Painting has been very sporadic. I will write and paint. This time I will not give myself pressure to accomplish. I will see it as one of my healing project that I can enjoy. Learn skill set at a pace where I can enjoy my life no matter where it may lead me.

So I start my life again at age 64 with different goal set! Learn to enjoy life! Learn to enjoy people around me. Learn to develop relationships. Learn to walk in steps with my dear husband. Learn to be connected with my grown children and still young grand children.