Friday, April 10, 2020
SLEEP
Today I woke up at 1:47am. I then tried a few things that should have helped me fall back asleep. By 5:17am I was still as wide awake as an owl. This no sleep is more frequent than I like. So many thoughts went through my head.
"Oh no. Today will be a disaster!" Stop! Negative thoughts will not help. How do I turn my situation around. Yes, maintain positive thoughts all day in my head and have a sincere conversation with Jesus about my dilemma, requesting his wisdom for my situation as to the route I must take in getting my sleep restored.
There is one thing that I desire—the ability to fall asleep and stay sound asleep until it is time to wake up. As I get older (late 50s and into 60s), I realize that sound sleep on a daily basis is a dream. Sometimes I think, maybe this is built into the human design. As one gets older, the inability to sleep can cause one to live a shorter lifespan, oh like 70s rather than onwards to 100s. Whatever the case, I am realizing for myself that my inability to sleep is a detriment. Yet Tom still sleeps like a baby EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT!
I know I've had periods of time when my sleeping problem was worse than now and I was able to improve. So I am searching my brain to bring my thoughts to, "What did I do in the past to get my sleep back?"
It was about ten years ago, I went through a time of not being able to sleep. I read a lot. I searched for books that would give me methods to sleep. I found The Effortless Sleep Method by Sasha Stephens. I don't remember all of it. I will browse through it, or rather read it again and try those methods again. Hopefully this will work and I won't have to do further research. Hopefully visiting this old book will improve my ability to sleep as it has done in the past.
Meanwhile my thoughts are turning to how I want to spend my retirement phase. Oh yes, work on doing research towards reversing my memory loss. Read and search daily. Read about eating healthy. Read about improving memory. Paint and be creative, or at least start developing an ease in painting to create finished products. Write, write, write, and write. When there is nothing to write about, still continue to write. Continue to exercise. If an actual workout is too hard to think about starting, like right now, make sure to go for a long walk. Enjoy each day that I am together with Tom. We are entering into a new life of being seniors together. That brings a smile to my face. For so long, I thought of us as being young. Seniors are those who are not as resilient in health and mind. Well, whatever that is, we can be seniors. We'll just change the definition of what a senior is. For me, it is working towards all these items I have mentioned.
My grandfather died at the age of 104. One morning his great granddaughter ran up the stairs to call her old great grandpa down to breakfast. She did this every morning, and she enjoyed this little errand. But this morning he did not respond. She shook him and called him to no avail. She called her mother who came up to help wake the old grandpa. He never woke up.
I think of that scenario often. At his age, he still climbed up and down the stairs whenever he was called to eat. I remember going up the hill for morning walks before 7am with him. He was in his 70s and I was four or five years old. We would meet up with all of his old friends who also came out for morning walks before breakfast. I was the only child there, and I was proud to be with my grandpa.
Thursday, April 9, 2020
My days
Tom is spending much of our quarantined time practicing singing. I have always loved to hear him sing. Normally I would request him to sing when I am sad, depressed, or just in some sort of blue funk. His singing songs to me have always lifted me throughout our 40+ years of marriage.
Right now my life is bit mundane. I always had so much to work towards. I retired from my job as a pharmacist and started to study towards another career. My new aspiration was to become a functional medicine practitioner. So last two years were very intense in my studies. I would laugh at myself. What woman in correct mind would endeavor to change her career as she is retiring at mid 60s. Retirement to most people were time and leisure and travels. I started to pursue a new career. To be a natural healer, a functional medicine practitioner.
It was really an exciting anticipation even though the whole process of achieving that place may be filled with so many preparations. Get all the proper credentials, keep up with all my continuing educations, think about renting a space a space to see clients, think of some form of partnership with another practitioner so it may be easier to spear into my career, and the list went on and on.
After my book training in functional medicine, I enrolled in a program that would practically help me to set up my business and get started. Even as I got my first clients, the program would help out with all the logistics and even help out with clients into the healing paths. It was during this time I took my DNA test in that program. This was to familiarize me to help my patients get DNA tests in that path to find out their genetic health outlook. I found out that I had DNA that would put me towards tendency for Alzheimer's. I then realized that both my mother and father had Alzheimer's.
About one years ago, I started to be aware that I would forget easily. Then panic would set within me. I sought some medical help. I went to seminars on Dementia. I enrolled in "brain" courses. My one goal in life became "keeping my brain functional and reverse the course of degeneration." My chiropractor who gave a seminar on "Dementia" had me take an MRI. The interpretation of MRI did not show anything particular other than decrease in size of my brain according to my age. As I was experiencing memory loss on daily basis, I decided that I must have a practitioner who is versed well in brain degeneration who can help me to reverse.
During last two years I saw a chiropractor, Dr. Kenneth Hideman found that I had high level of toxic metals. This alone could decline brain function leading to Alzheimer's. Now I am using chelator to remove metal, mold, and toxin. It would be wonderful if I could get my brain back once all the toxins are cleared out. I also see an MD, (Dr. Rose Gillin) who keeps track of all my data from all the practitioners. I see Aaron Wilson, my natural practitioner, who let me know that he is not a brain expert. But he knows that my brain heals during sleep so I must get a good night sleep every night. My brain needs oxygen on daily basis to function. I do several steps and procedures to get more oxygen. Yet I feel I need someone who is an expert in brain degeneration and restoration and I continue to seek such a person.
Right now my life is bit mundane. I always had so much to work towards. I retired from my job as a pharmacist and started to study towards another career. My new aspiration was to become a functional medicine practitioner. So last two years were very intense in my studies. I would laugh at myself. What woman in correct mind would endeavor to change her career as she is retiring at mid 60s. Retirement to most people were time and leisure and travels. I started to pursue a new career. To be a natural healer, a functional medicine practitioner.
It was really an exciting anticipation even though the whole process of achieving that place may be filled with so many preparations. Get all the proper credentials, keep up with all my continuing educations, think about renting a space a space to see clients, think of some form of partnership with another practitioner so it may be easier to spear into my career, and the list went on and on.
After my book training in functional medicine, I enrolled in a program that would practically help me to set up my business and get started. Even as I got my first clients, the program would help out with all the logistics and even help out with clients into the healing paths. It was during this time I took my DNA test in that program. This was to familiarize me to help my patients get DNA tests in that path to find out their genetic health outlook. I found out that I had DNA that would put me towards tendency for Alzheimer's. I then realized that both my mother and father had Alzheimer's.
About one years ago, I started to be aware that I would forget easily. Then panic would set within me. I sought some medical help. I went to seminars on Dementia. I enrolled in "brain" courses. My one goal in life became "keeping my brain functional and reverse the course of degeneration." My chiropractor who gave a seminar on "Dementia" had me take an MRI. The interpretation of MRI did not show anything particular other than decrease in size of my brain according to my age. As I was experiencing memory loss on daily basis, I decided that I must have a practitioner who is versed well in brain degeneration who can help me to reverse.
During last two years I saw a chiropractor, Dr. Kenneth Hideman found that I had high level of toxic metals. This alone could decline brain function leading to Alzheimer's. Now I am using chelator to remove metal, mold, and toxin. It would be wonderful if I could get my brain back once all the toxins are cleared out. I also see an MD, (Dr. Rose Gillin) who keeps track of all my data from all the practitioners. I see Aaron Wilson, my natural practitioner, who let me know that he is not a brain expert. But he knows that my brain heals during sleep so I must get a good night sleep every night. My brain needs oxygen on daily basis to function. I do several steps and procedures to get more oxygen. Yet I feel I need someone who is an expert in brain degeneration and restoration and I continue to seek such a person.
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
My Travels during the COVID-19 Pandemic
These have been more than interesting days. Our adventures during COVID-19 pandemic is to be remembered.
On March 11th we left our home to fly to Croatia to visit our three grandchildren and their parents. We knew about COVID-19, yet the seriousness of the illness did not hit us, or it did not hit me. Our outbound trip included stops in Chicago, Newark NJ, Barcelona, Vienna, Zagreb Croatia, and our final destination Split Croatia—where Henna and family resides.
We had five flights and walked through six different airports. after landing in Split, we took the bus to the Riva (popular waterfront plaza where lots and lots of Croatians congregate to eat, socialize, and just enjoy friends and family). Then we walked about a half mile to our daughter's home. The crowd situation was normal. It seemed like Croatians were as naive about social distancing as we were at this point.
As soon as we arrived at our daughter's home, we were encouraged not to touch the kids but to take showers and change clothes while Henna disinfected our coats, shoes, and luggage. Then she said all seven of us will quarantine ourselves for 14 days (This was to protect others since we may have caught COVID during the travels) --no beautiful walks that I so love. As days passed Henna was getting more nervous. She said if COVID-19 was to invade Croatia (at that time there were zero persons infected in Split Croatia) yet Croatia shared a border with Italy which was struggling with COVID infection and soon would become or was the epicenter of infection. When/If COVID-19 would enter Croatia and hospitals were filling up fast, we as foreigners would not be first in line to be treated. We had two choices; hunker down and wait for the spread to slow down then go home or seek to return home right away.
I was thinking, surely we would be fine. I was not particularly worried. Then I realized that the longer we stayed, Henna's anxiety concerning our plight could make her sick. We started to look for the earliest flight to come home. We had arrived in Split on March 12th, the same day President Trump closed US borders to non-Americans from infected countries... We started to look for a return flight. The airline flights became extremely expensive. One way trip back were at $1000 per person or more. We generally pay $500 to $700 for round trips. We could not find anything even at any price. Then a few days later we found a ticket at much better price (for the situation) returning on March 20th (9 days total, 8 days with family).
Once the tickets were purchased, we all could breathe easier. The worry about Tom and I not being able to get a space in the hospital if we got sick was no longer a concern.
We left at 4AM to catch a plane to Zagreb ( Capital of Croatia) then catch an international flight to US. By midnight of that same day (March 20th), all the airports declared a lockdown by orders from their leaders in each countries. We were very fortunate to leave before the lockdown.
Our return flight was surreal. Every airport was practically empty. Each person practiced six foot social distancing. The comparison between our trip to Split and our return flights to the US was phenomenal. The airports were so empty, and their shops were mostly closed. We went through every step so quickly and easily due to the absence of humanity. Normal tedious checking at borders were almost nonexistent. Once we got back to O'Hare in Chicago, US Customs just waved everyone through, no questions asked. But the CDC staff took the temperature of every person entering the US and asked a few questions about where we had been. We passed. I wondered what happens to people with a temperature. Since then I learned that 25% of COVID-19 infected persons had no symptoms like temperature and others. So even the checking at the airport would have missed 25% of the COVID-19 carriers.
When we arrived in Chicago O'Hare airport, we rented a car and drove home. All this was done with no waiting because of the empty airport. And though our drive through Chicago was on Friday at what should have been rush hour, we zipped through the heart of the city at regular highway speeds. When we entered in Goshen, we experienced something else. Our roads were filled with cars going and coming as if nothing is happening. All the caution we experiencing last nine days in Croatia and traveling was almost non-existent. My comment was, I guess Goshenites are not taking the COVID-19 virus seriously, as I didn't just nine days ago.
We quarantined ourselves for fourteen days in Goshen. So our travel looks like 8 days of quarantining in Croatia (the whole time we were there) and fourteen days of quarantining in good ole USA in our home. We believe we did not catch the COVID-19 virus (but our quarantining was to avoid the spread just in case we had the virus). What an unusual and interesting experience traveling during the height of the virus spread! I have to say, we are still glad we went because we did have a wonderful visit with Henna and Aki and our grandchildren. It was a very focused visit since we were with each other 24/7. We were very fortunate that through all those travels and most likely encountering many COVID-19 infected persons whether they knew it or not, we came home without the illness. Before we left, our church prayed that our Lord would keep us safe. Thank you Lord.
On March 11th we left our home to fly to Croatia to visit our three grandchildren and their parents. We knew about COVID-19, yet the seriousness of the illness did not hit us, or it did not hit me. Our outbound trip included stops in Chicago, Newark NJ, Barcelona, Vienna, Zagreb Croatia, and our final destination Split Croatia—where Henna and family resides.
We had five flights and walked through six different airports. after landing in Split, we took the bus to the Riva (popular waterfront plaza where lots and lots of Croatians congregate to eat, socialize, and just enjoy friends and family). Then we walked about a half mile to our daughter's home. The crowd situation was normal. It seemed like Croatians were as naive about social distancing as we were at this point.
As soon as we arrived at our daughter's home, we were encouraged not to touch the kids but to take showers and change clothes while Henna disinfected our coats, shoes, and luggage. Then she said all seven of us will quarantine ourselves for 14 days (This was to protect others since we may have caught COVID during the travels) --no beautiful walks that I so love. As days passed Henna was getting more nervous. She said if COVID-19 was to invade Croatia (at that time there were zero persons infected in Split Croatia) yet Croatia shared a border with Italy which was struggling with COVID infection and soon would become or was the epicenter of infection. When/If COVID-19 would enter Croatia and hospitals were filling up fast, we as foreigners would not be first in line to be treated. We had two choices; hunker down and wait for the spread to slow down then go home or seek to return home right away.
I was thinking, surely we would be fine. I was not particularly worried. Then I realized that the longer we stayed, Henna's anxiety concerning our plight could make her sick. We started to look for the earliest flight to come home. We had arrived in Split on March 12th, the same day President Trump closed US borders to non-Americans from infected countries... We started to look for a return flight. The airline flights became extremely expensive. One way trip back were at $1000 per person or more. We generally pay $500 to $700 for round trips. We could not find anything even at any price. Then a few days later we found a ticket at much better price (for the situation) returning on March 20th (9 days total, 8 days with family).
Once the tickets were purchased, we all could breathe easier. The worry about Tom and I not being able to get a space in the hospital if we got sick was no longer a concern.
We left at 4AM to catch a plane to Zagreb ( Capital of Croatia) then catch an international flight to US. By midnight of that same day (March 20th), all the airports declared a lockdown by orders from their leaders in each countries. We were very fortunate to leave before the lockdown.
Our return flight was surreal. Every airport was practically empty. Each person practiced six foot social distancing. The comparison between our trip to Split and our return flights to the US was phenomenal. The airports were so empty, and their shops were mostly closed. We went through every step so quickly and easily due to the absence of humanity. Normal tedious checking at borders were almost nonexistent. Once we got back to O'Hare in Chicago, US Customs just waved everyone through, no questions asked. But the CDC staff took the temperature of every person entering the US and asked a few questions about where we had been. We passed. I wondered what happens to people with a temperature. Since then I learned that 25% of COVID-19 infected persons had no symptoms like temperature and others. So even the checking at the airport would have missed 25% of the COVID-19 carriers.
When we arrived in Chicago O'Hare airport, we rented a car and drove home. All this was done with no waiting because of the empty airport. And though our drive through Chicago was on Friday at what should have been rush hour, we zipped through the heart of the city at regular highway speeds. When we entered in Goshen, we experienced something else. Our roads were filled with cars going and coming as if nothing is happening. All the caution we experiencing last nine days in Croatia and traveling was almost non-existent. My comment was, I guess Goshenites are not taking the COVID-19 virus seriously, as I didn't just nine days ago.
We quarantined ourselves for fourteen days in Goshen. So our travel looks like 8 days of quarantining in Croatia (the whole time we were there) and fourteen days of quarantining in good ole USA in our home. We believe we did not catch the COVID-19 virus (but our quarantining was to avoid the spread just in case we had the virus). What an unusual and interesting experience traveling during the height of the virus spread! I have to say, we are still glad we went because we did have a wonderful visit with Henna and Aki and our grandchildren. It was a very focused visit since we were with each other 24/7. We were very fortunate that through all those travels and most likely encountering many COVID-19 infected persons whether they knew it or not, we came home without the illness. Before we left, our church prayed that our Lord would keep us safe. Thank you Lord.
Saturday, February 15, 2020
Hopes and Dreams
Lately I have been happy. Hopeful. And Looking at my life with much gratitude. I wonder how much of this has to do with some changes in my brain.
Of course I do run into lots of road blocks. I ran into a major blow. I sure did not expect to face memory loss which could lead into Alzheimer's. My unfortunate DNA test came up with double APOE4 genes. Upto 70% to 90% of those who have my genes end up with Alzheimer's. I was pressing on towards being a functional medicine practitioner who at age 90 is still happily practicing. That dream or ambition had to be set aside, to realize that may never transpire. Right now, my first and foremost goal is to restore my memory loss, to bring back the ability to maintain short term memory, or any form of memory.
Funny how life has its twist and turns. What do you do when something happens that you were not anticipating? What do you do when your dreams had to be thrown up in the air, possibly never to see it happen. There are times when I become very scared of my future. Yet I am noticing in myself that it is easier to appreciate all the blessings that I have received. In about a month we will be going to Barcelona Spain to have a family reunion with my four grown children and family. How fortunate we are that I do not have to work like so many people at my age (64). In our trip to Croatia we will stop in Barcelona Spain and spend one week with all of our children and grandchildren.
Sunday, February 2, 2020
My memory
12/15/2019 Sunday
Just five more years.
Could I live to my utmost, living to the fullest if I was to pass on in five years. Just a year ago I dreamed of becoming a functional medicine practitioner. Now I am fighting daily in trying to hang on to any memories of current events of my life and current thoughts of five minutes ago. So my venture begins, reading about brain and how it degenerates and how I can help my own brain in some restoration or decrease in the speed of degeneration to Alzheimers.
It is ironic that earlier this year I took DNA.mind testing via Nordic Labs in Scandinavia. In it I found that my life span is not long. So what does that mean? I would guess if I could live to age 70, on one hand it is a full life, yet I dreamt of living till I was in my nineties. I wanted to be an active functional medicine practitioner at age ninety, busy with taking care of so many clients. If I could reverse this brain degradation, I can help others who are going through same condition, to live a full life. So with my genetics that shows short lifespan and genes that dictates almost 75% Alzheimers staring at my face, I decided I will live to the fullest and longest as much as I can.
Somehow the task is formidable, daunting yet fascinating. I find in literature that green vegetables increase life span. Good nutrition nourishes the brain for strength and resiliency. I started to eat lots of vegetables. Sugar degrades the brain; I am avoiding all forms of sweetness including grain, pasta, legumes and all forms obvious sweets. Exercise pumps blood and oxygen to brain helping it to clean up and refresh. I try to do sets of fifty jumping jacks throughout the day and take walks in the woods.
Yesterday I went to all you can eat buffet with Dee and gorged on sushi and meat and veggies and anything else I wanted to eat. How long was I so strict with my diet? Can't remember. It felt so good to just eat and eat anything. Normally it may be considered a good meal. For me, the white rice makes it the same category as sweet rolls. Today I ate more sushi. Tomorrow back to strict diet of vegetables and meat. I wonder how long I can keep myself mostly on vegetables.
Just five more years.
Could I live to my utmost, living to the fullest if I was to pass on in five years. Just a year ago I dreamed of becoming a functional medicine practitioner. Now I am fighting daily in trying to hang on to any memories of current events of my life and current thoughts of five minutes ago. So my venture begins, reading about brain and how it degenerates and how I can help my own brain in some restoration or decrease in the speed of degeneration to Alzheimers.
It is ironic that earlier this year I took DNA.mind testing via Nordic Labs in Scandinavia. In it I found that my life span is not long. So what does that mean? I would guess if I could live to age 70, on one hand it is a full life, yet I dreamt of living till I was in my nineties. I wanted to be an active functional medicine practitioner at age ninety, busy with taking care of so many clients. If I could reverse this brain degradation, I can help others who are going through same condition, to live a full life. So with my genetics that shows short lifespan and genes that dictates almost 75% Alzheimers staring at my face, I decided I will live to the fullest and longest as much as I can.
Somehow the task is formidable, daunting yet fascinating. I find in literature that green vegetables increase life span. Good nutrition nourishes the brain for strength and resiliency. I started to eat lots of vegetables. Sugar degrades the brain; I am avoiding all forms of sweetness including grain, pasta, legumes and all forms obvious sweets. Exercise pumps blood and oxygen to brain helping it to clean up and refresh. I try to do sets of fifty jumping jacks throughout the day and take walks in the woods.
Yesterday I went to all you can eat buffet with Dee and gorged on sushi and meat and veggies and anything else I wanted to eat. How long was I so strict with my diet? Can't remember. It felt so good to just eat and eat anything. Normally it may be considered a good meal. For me, the white rice makes it the same category as sweet rolls. Today I ate more sushi. Tomorrow back to strict diet of vegetables and meat. I wonder how long I can keep myself mostly on vegetables.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Where Am I in Life?
So many things have happened since my last blogging. It has been two years since I left pharmacy at Kroger. I was searching for physically easier job where I will not be standing, walking, or running for up to 13 hours in order to take care of patients.
I found a job at a hospital where I can sit down for the whole shift. I became keenly aware that my learning curve had dramatically changed, and I left that new job in three months. That was beginning of October in 2017. This was one full year after when I was taken to ER with a complete amnesia, Transient Global Amnesia from 9 am to 7 pm on a Sunday in May of 2016.
My last visit to Croatia (Spring of 2019) has brought attention to the seriousness of my brain issue. It takes me good three weeks before I get acclimated to a new time zone. My lack of sleep in Croatia and again here in US was manifested in daily inability to remember what happened for 2 to 3 hours of any given day. Now fully rested with plenty of sleep, I am realizing that my brain is affected. It dawned on me that I AM retired...maybe for good. I am not yet 64. I always dreamed of working well into 90's as a health and wellness practitioner. I saw myself as a thin old lady who is in love with her life helping sickies of today. I saw myself as a 95 years old little lady, full of life and zest with love for healing and watching health restoration.
I decided for now, I must stop studying and to re-evaluate my future. How am I to occupy my time. It has always been easy in the past; I always gave my studies priority. I have been a student all my life and at late age, I have discovered my passion; my desire to be a natural health practitioner. Yet when the realization set in that I may never be the healer, I was not as discouraged as I thought I would be. Having time on my hand was a new experience. Now my dream career is put aside, maybe permanently. I wonder what my future holds for me.
What must I do to heal and restore my brain? I tried to remember anything related to brain restoration from my studies. I was left with a "blank." I had one patient, myself. Yet all my hours and years of studies preparing me to a new career left me blank.
I decided there are two things that I would love; writing and painting. I have always loved writing. I have a long way to reach the skill set of a good writer. Painting has been very sporadic. I will write and paint. This time I will not give myself pressure to accomplish. I will see it as one of my healing project that I can enjoy. Learn skill set at a pace where I can enjoy my life no matter where it may lead me.
So I start my life again at age 64 with different goal set! Learn to enjoy life! Learn to enjoy people around me. Learn to develop relationships. Learn to walk in steps with my dear husband. Learn to be connected with my grown children and still young grand children.
Thursday, December 27, 2018
One Baby Step at a Time
12/27/2018
This year is almost over. I am filled with anxiety of so many things to consider.
I am finished with Functional Medicine studies. How do I pursue from here. Where do I start? It's not like I can go someplace and apply. There is no FM clinics around here or next several towns.
My mother fell for the second time and is in the hospital. It looks like we are the only ones who can take her in for the remaining years. What happens with my FM career which is already scary to start by myself. Now that has to be in back burner until my mother is established in my home. Last time she was with me for three weeks, all my spare time was spent on her. I still have so much desire to be in a profession, be active in it, to find fulfillment in it.
As I sit daily, I ponder, "How do I get myself into an active profession? Where do I start? I do not want to go back to pharmacy.
12/28/2018
This morning I felt such a reassurance. God knows... one little step at a time... how to begin.
... He has all things under control. Just trust in Him and I take one baby step at a time. Don't look at daily results. When time is right, God will bring in the clients one by one. Just keep plugging along. Thank You Lord.
This year is almost over. I am filled with anxiety of so many things to consider.
I am finished with Functional Medicine studies. How do I pursue from here. Where do I start? It's not like I can go someplace and apply. There is no FM clinics around here or next several towns.
My mother fell for the second time and is in the hospital. It looks like we are the only ones who can take her in for the remaining years. What happens with my FM career which is already scary to start by myself. Now that has to be in back burner until my mother is established in my home. Last time she was with me for three weeks, all my spare time was spent on her. I still have so much desire to be in a profession, be active in it, to find fulfillment in it.
As I sit daily, I ponder, "How do I get myself into an active profession? Where do I start? I do not want to go back to pharmacy.
12/28/2018
This morning I felt such a reassurance. God knows... one little step at a time... how to begin.
... He has all things under control. Just trust in Him and I take one baby step at a time. Don't look at daily results. When time is right, God will bring in the clients one by one. Just keep plugging along. Thank You Lord.
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